By Laurie Sheridan
She stared at the text message longer than she wanted to admit.
It wasn’t even that complicated.
“Hey, hope you’re doing well.”
Simple. Neutral. Harmless… right?
And yet her chest tightened.
Her mind started racing.
What does he mean by that? Is he being genuine? Is this a trap? Am I overthinking this? Why can’t I just respond like a normal person?
She put her phone down.
Picked it back up.
Read the message again.
By the time she finally set it aside, she wasn’t just confused—she was exhausted.
Not from the message… but from her own mind.
The Quiet Spiral No One Sees
From the outside, Stephanie looked fine.
She showed up to work.
She handled her responsibilities.
She smiled when she needed to.
But internally, everything felt… uncertain.
Decisions that once felt easy now felt heavy.
Simple interactions felt loaded with meaning.
She questioned herself constantly:
- Am I reading too much into this?
- Am I missing something?
- Can I trust what I’m feeling?
This isn’t just anxiety in the traditional sense.
This is what happens when your reality has been repeatedly distorted.
When confusion becomes your normal
In a healthy relationship, your mind learns patterns of safety.
Words align with actions.
Emotions make sense.
There is consistency.
But in a toxic or narcissistic relationship, that foundation quietly erodes.
You may have experienced:
- Being told something didn’t happen the way you remember it
- Feeling dismissed when you expressed hurt
- Receiving affection one moment… and withdrawal the next
- Being made to feel like you were the problem
Over time, your internal compass starts to shift.
Not because you’re weak.
But because you were trying to make sense of something that was never consistent to begin with.
So, your brain adapts.
It scans.
It analyzes.
It tries to predict.
And eventually… it stops trusting itself.
The anxiety isn’t random — it’s learned
What many women don’t realize is this:
that constant overthinking, that hyper-awareness, that second-guessing…
it didn’t come out of nowhere.
It was built.
When your environment feels emotionally unpredictable, your nervous system shifts into protection mode.
You become more alert.
More aware.
More cautious.
Not because something is wrong with you—
but because something happened to you.
Your mind learned that it needed to double-check everything to stay safe.
So now, even in neutral or safe situations, your system is still asking:
“Is this okay? Or is something about to change?”
The compassionate reframe
This is the moment where many women turn on themselves. Why am I like this? Why can’t I just move on? Why do I feel so anxious all the time? But what if we gently shift that perspective? What if, instead of seeing this as brokenness, you saw it as adaptation? Your mind tried to keep you safe in an environment where the rules kept changing. It simply hasn’t learned yet that things can be different. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck this way — it means your system needs support, not criticism.
Rebuilding self-trust, one step at a time
Healing from this kind of anxiety isn’t about forcing yourself to “stop overthinking.”
It’s about slowly rebuilding the relationship you have with yourself. That begins with small, steady shifts:
- Start honoring your internal signals. Instead of immediately dismissing your feelings, pause and acknowledge them. Even if you don’t fully understand them yet (Start with awareness – don’t judge your feelings, just simply think, “hmm, that’s interesting.”).
- Separate past from present. Gently ask yourself: “Is this reaction coming from what’s happening right now… or what I’ve been through?” This creates space between fear and reality.
- Reduce the need for perfect certainty. You don’t need to get everything “right” to be safe. You’re allowed to make decisions, learn, and adjust. And by the way, there is no perfect certainty. It doesn’t exist.
- Build evidence of self-trust. Each time you listen to yourself, set a boundary, or make a choice aligned with your values, you begin restoring trust internally. Not all at once — but gradually. So, celebrate the small wins.
You’re not losing your mind — you’re finding your way back
That feeling of“I don’t trust myself anymore” can be one of the most unsettling parts of healing. But it is also one of the most important turning points. Because underneath the anxiety, your intuition is still there. Your clarity is still there. Your ability to feel grounded, confident, and at peace with your decisions hasn’t disappeared — it’s just been buried under confusion and self-doubt. As you begin to understand what happened and respond to yourself with compassion instead of pressure, you start to reconnect with that part of you again. Slowly. Gently. In a way that feels safe.
Many women are told they’re simply dealing with anxiety. But when anxiety is rooted in emotional inconsistency and loss of self-trust, it asks for a different kind of support.
Support that helps you not just manage your thoughts, but understand them. Support that helps you feel safe in your own mind again. You don’t need to become hyper-guarded to protect yourself, and you don’t need to analyze every detail to feel secure. You simply need to rebuild trust — with yourself. And that is something you are absolutely capable of doing.
If any of these words felt like they were written for you, please know — you are not alone, and you are not too late. I work with women who are quietly rebuilding themselves after what no one saw, helping them reconnect with their inner clarity and come home to themselves again. Gently. Truthfully. One grounded step at a time.
