By Kathy Espinoza
Every time I visit the beautiful islands of Hawaii, I fantasize about retiring and living there forever. I imagine waking up to the westerly winds blowing through my hair, swimming in the warm inviting oceans and feeling the sun on my face as I relax and take in the splendor of each new day. In reality, over time, I know I would welcome this paradise at first and then find a way to create the perpetual to-do list, find places I have to go visit and slowly merge into the fast lane of life once again. I would take for granted the beauty of this heavenly place and once that occurs, the beauty would lose its value.
It’s the same with time. We don’t value ‘time’ until we are near the end of it. Minutes tick by each hour of the day and we assume they will rollover and that tomorrow we will have more. It’s not until our days are numbered that one truly finds the value of a minute.
I am part of a club, one that I didn’t ask to join. My club is called the ‘cancer club’ and it started seven years ago. Diagnosed with bladder cancer, one wonders how a person who exercises seven days a week, doesn’t eat meat, drink or smoke would gain membership in this elusive group. I learned that chasing down a cause only becomes exhausting and doesn’t change the end result. Having a cancer with an 80% return rate, I realized that my time on earth was precious and learned to value each day, live in the moment and really BE in the present… with my family and my job. I have spent the last seven years lecturing on finding balance in life and learning how to separate work from home in order to value each of them, in their own space.
Recently, I renewed my membership in this club. Three months ago, my cancer returned; found on a routine recheck, without any symptoms announcing its arrival. It crept back into my life at a point where I was getting comfortable with ‘time’. I was feeling smug about getting my kids into adulthood, still enjoying the person I fell in love with in high school 36 years ago, working for a fantastic company …life was good.
Surgery was done two weeks later and chemo started the following week. If ignorance is bliss, with cancer, this only lasts one week. Progressing through six weeks of poison being injected into my system, I felt weakened and realized that I’d taken my good health for granted as I watched my hard-earned muscles shrivel and my wrinkles succumb to gravity. Suddenly, I was old.
Flash forward a month, it’s the dreaded cancer recheck appointment. Did the chemo work? Will I have to endure more? How many more minutes do I have in this life? I was taken into the exam room, undressed and placed on the table in a most compromising position, waiting for the doctor who would announce my fate. One sentence would change my life. I waited, watching the clock, the doctor was running late. All I could think about were the minutes I let slip by worrying about tomorrow, disrupting my sleep, taking away quality time spent with my husband and kids.
More minutes passed by waiting, wondering. I thought about the greeting card I read in the store, “Sex is like air… it isn’t important until you’re not getting enough”. How ironic that it’s the same with ‘time’. We obliviously go to bed each night assuming that tomorrow is a given and we run through all the things we need to get done, all we should have gotten to today, and lying here on this table, I realized that in a few minutes– one sentence from this doctor who is running late will change my life and I may be running out of time.
Moments like this bring the realization that our life ‘time’ IS finite, therefore it makes time valued. Thirty minutes have now passed on this table and it feels more like hours. I think about how quickly my four children went from kindergarten through high school and are now entering their careers and marriages. Have I accomplished all I was meant to accomplish? I picture the man I married so long ago, to have and to hold ‘til death do us part’. Did I tell him that I love him today?
Finally, the doctor enters, performs the exam and announces the cancer is gone and chemo did its job, this time. An audible sigh of relief escapes my lips and a tear slides from the corner of my eye. I am a lucky one today…saved to value another day, many are not so blessed. We all will deal with death in our lives, a spouse, a parent, a child, trusted friend and ultimately our own. Times like these are humbling and often full of regret. Time is a hungry beast, marching on relentlessly and consuming everything in its path. ‘Time’ is the same gift given to all of us…24 hours in a day and it only becomes valuable when we realize it is running out.
If there is a lesson in this, it’s to really live life in the present… really BE there, connected to what’s of value in life. The goal is to make each day precious and spend the minutes wisely. Tomorrow is not a given and if today was your last, would you spend it differently?
Take a minute and think about it, won’t you?
Kathy Espinoza ([email protected]) is a state, national and international speaker on topics covering Stress Management, Relationships in the Workforce, Ergonomics, Human Resources Management, Risk Management and Safety. She consults through kathyespinoza.com with hospitals, cities, schools and county organizations. She is a board-Certified Professional Ergonomist, with 35 years of experience. She has dual master’s degrees, one in Work Science/Physiology and an MBA. She has 95 articles published and just authored a book, “Teens with Tenacity”, which helps teens deal with stress.
