By Dr. Julie Ducharme
Alright, men, don’t run away just yet—this one’s for you too. While it’s crucial for women to learn the art of self-care, it’s equally important for boyfriends, husbands, brothers, fathers, and grandfathers to understand how to support the women in their lives. Trust me, you don’t want to miss this, because even if you’re not the one doing the self-care, you might just be the one who can help make it happen.
I’ve been as guilty as any other woman when it comes to neglecting self-care. My wake-up call came when I accepted the biggest job of my life during maternity leave. I had just given birth to my second child, and naturally, I thought, “Sure, I can handle this.” How hard could it be to manage a 2-year-old, a newborn, and a job as Associate Dean overseeing 20 business colleges? Easy peasy, right? Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.
The Superwoman Myth: A Funny Yet All-Too-Real Scenario
I imagined myself as some sort of Wonder Woman—minus the invisible jet and lasso of truth—gliding effortlessly between diaper changes and Zoom meetings. But life quickly spiraled downward, and not because of my lack of effort. My boss made sure to remind me daily how worthless I was and how soon I’d be fired. (And yes, for those wondering, toxic workplaces do exist, and no, you don’t get a trophy for surviving one.)
Six months into this nightmare, I found myself back at the doctor’s office. At my eight-week postpartum checkup, I was super healthy, recovering well from a C-section. But now, my doctor was horrified. I was losing hair faster than a cat sheds in the summer, had dropped a ridiculous amount of weight (and not in the “new mom bounce back” kind of way), and was racking up UTIs like they were on sale. Why? Because I was glued to my desk, trying to prove to my boss (and probably to myself) that I wasn’t worthless. Oh, and let’s not forget my blood pressure, which was so high that my doctor was convinced I was on the brink of a heart attack—in my early 30s!
The Hard Truth: Women and Self-Care Statistics
Let’s pause for a moment and talk about some cold, hard statistics. According to a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, women are more likely than men to report feeling stressed out—83% of women versus 75% of men. And it gets worse: Women are also more likely to report physical and emotional symptoms of stress, such as headaches (41% vs. 30%) and feeling overwhelmed (33% vs. 25%). Despite these numbers, women are less likely to take time for themselves. A study by OnePoll found that women, on average, only get 17 minutes of “me time” each day. Seventeen minutes! That’s barely enough time to watch a single episode of “Friends”—without the commercials!
The Doctor’s Orders: A Turning Point
My doctor looked me straight in the eye and said, “Julie, you have to leave this job.” My first thought? “I can’t do that! I’m the youngest person ever to hold this position. I beat out all those other candidates. I’m proving to everyone that I can do this!” Ah, the sweet, sweet delusion of thinking that suffering equates to success. My doctor wasn’t having it. She made it clear that I was jeopardizing my health, and it wasn’t because I had two little kids—those were the easy ones, bless their hearts.
I remember coming home, looking at my husband, and asking him to take the day off work because I needed time to pull myself together. His face said it all: He was worried, too. I wrestled with the idea of quitting, worried that I’d look like a failure, that my boss would be right. But those were lies. I was doing an amazing job, and it took some of my colleagues calling to tell me that for it to sink in. Eventually, I went to HR, told them how I was being treated, and quit. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. And guess what? That experience was a turning point. It taught me that big positions and big salaries don’t equal success, especially if you’re sacrificing your health to get there.
Transitioning to Intentional Self-Care
Fast forward to today, and my kids are no longer babies—they’re growing up, and with that, I’ve had to grow too. I’ve learned that self-care isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a lifeline. These days, I’m intentional about carving out time each morning for myself. I’ve created a routine where I block off time to write in a gratitude journal. Writing has always been cathartic for me, but there’s something about putting pen to paper and listing out all the things I’m grateful for that sets the tone for the entire day.
My mornings now start with this quiet time, where I can reflect, write, and engage in daily devotionals with God and my Bible. It’s a sacred space I’ve carved out just for me, where I can center myself before the chaos of the day begins. And let me tell you, it makes a world of difference.
Finding Joy in the Little Things
But self-care doesn’t stop at the morning routine. Throughout the day, I’m mindful about setting aside time to relax. Whether it’s going for a walk, stand-up paddleboarding, or just taking a few minutes to laugh at funny animal videos on Instagram, I make sure to prioritize moments that bring me joy. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to work, and sometimes the schedule doesn’t always permit time for self-care every single day. But here’s the difference: I’m intentional about making it happen. And that’s what counts.
Learning from the Best (and Worst)
Remember the movie “Eat Pray Love”? Elizabeth Gilbert’s character embarks on a journey of self-discovery after realizing she’s lost herself in her relationships and responsibilities. The film highlights the importance of stepping back and recharging. On the flip side, look at movies like “The Devil Wears Prada,” where the protagonist sacrifices everything—her health, relationships, and happiness—just to keep up with an impossible job. Spoiler alert: It’s not worth it.
Even in literature, you’ll find this theme. In Cheryl Strayed’s memoir “Wild,” she sets off on a solo hike along the Pacific Crest Trail to heal herself after a series of devastating life events. It’s a powerful reminder that sometimes, self-care requires more than just a bubble bath—it may mean making a drastic change to reclaim your life.
The Takeaway: Self-Care Is Non-Negotiable
Ultimately, self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. It’s about recognizing that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Whether it’s taking a few minutes for a coffee break, scheduling a massage, or even just locking yourself in the bathroom for five minutes of peace, it’s crucial to make time for yourself. Men, your role in this is just as important. By supporting the women in your life in their self-care journey, you’re not just helping them—you’re creating a healthier, happier environment for everyone.
So, let’s ditch the superwoman myth, laugh at our past mistakes, and commit to making self-care a priority. Because when we take care of ourselves, we can show up as our best selves for the people we love—and isn’t that what really matters?
