By Sally Anderson
Interesting question, right? The look on clients’ faces when I first pose this question is ALWAYS classic!
Confusion is the first default response—“What do you mean, Sally? Is that really possible?”
Yep, you bet. Let me explain….
It’s all well and good to get clear on what your goals are, but what’s the point unless you unearth the undercurrent pulling you in the opposite direction—aka ‘what you tolerate.’ Distinction: Toleration equals a Persistent Complaint.
I believe most human beings have a minimum of 50 tolerations. Yep, 50. Even if I do not know you, I could identify what they are based on research through the thousands of people I have had the privilege to coach over three decades. Basically, it just comes with the ‘human territory.’
What are they? Here are the main ones:
- Financial tolerations
- Relationship tolerations
- Behavioral tolerations
- Attitudinal tolerations
- Family & Friends tolerations
- Organizational tolerations
We all have them, and we operate on top of them EVERY DAY.
Some examples:
- I walk into the bathroom, and that door handle I’ve been meaning to fix for over a year isn’t fixed, and I keep complaining about the fact that I’ve been meaning to fix it but never do—that’s a toleration.
- Every time I get into my car and it’s a mess, and I’ve been meaning to get it detailed or clean it myself—that’s a toleration.
- I know I shouldn’t worry, but I keep worrying—that’s an attitudinal toleration. The cost is rife.
- That vacation I keep saying I want to book but never do—that’s a toleration.
- Chasing clients for payment constantly and not setting financial boundaries/protocols on acceptable standards—that’s a toleration.
- Wearing lingerie and holey socks, saying that I need to buy new lingerie/socks but never do—that’s a toleration.
- Saying that I want to save but never do—that’s a toleration.
- Saying I wish to give up smoking, cut down on drinking, but only giving lip service—that’s a toleration.
- Saying I wish to lose weight, but 2, 5, 10 years later, still talking about it—that’s a toleration.
- Joining the gym and paying monthly but not getting my sorry ass to the gym—that’s a toleration.
- Operating on top of relationship issues—that’s a toleration.
- Clutter all over the place, complaining about it but not doing anything about it—that’s a toleration.
- Destructive inner critic dialogue, talking negatively to myself without getting healing to STOP this crazy, destructive dynamic—that’s a toleration.
- Allowing your past to be in your future, year after year, decade after decade, and not doing the healing—that’s a toleration.
- Not earning what you wish to earn—that’s a toleration.
- Being single over a long period of time, never falling in love (genuinely) and never finding love and an intimate relationship—that’s a toleration.
- You experience drama in your life with those closest to you—your partner, your kids, your work colleagues, your boss, your family members—but tolerate it instead of standing for a drama-free life—that’s a toleration.
- Never finding out what you are passionate about, hanging out in confusion—that’s a toleration.
- Being stuck in corporate life, yearning to go out on your own but not doing anything about it—that’s a toleration.
- You cannot stop feeling worried, anxious, depressed, and you believe you’ve tried everything. It’s become a vicious cycle—that’s a toleration.
- Writing that book you’ve always dreamed about but never writing it—that’s a toleration.
- Looking at that bloody vision board but never achieving what’s on it—that’s a toleration.
- Living in constant overwhelm and frustration with everything you say you’re committed to accomplishing but never having a breakthrough with this dynamic—that’s a toleration.
- Saying that you’re not good at closing, knowing the impact this has on your bottom line, and not getting more proficient at the skill of closing—that’s a toleration.
- Complaining about Mondays, feeling disempowered by Mondayitis—that’s a toleration.
You get the gist. I could keep going…they are endless!
Tolerations can be BIG or SMALL, but they are irritating, annoying, frustrating, and constant.
Step #1 – Unearth what they are.
Step #2 – Go to work on them with a timeline and action—keep chipping away each week/month.
Cycle the process every 3-6 months.
And if you do not, just understand that you are more committed to sabotage! Raw truth!
Whatever you complain about persistently is a toleration, and folks, if you are complaining about it, you LOVE IT! Why? Because you keep it in place! Just bloody ludicrous, but all human beings do it!
There is a difference between being committed to what has yet to materialize and complaining about it but doing nothing about it!
I personally do not complain. Why? Because I know that I have a choice, moment by moment, about what my world looks like, and I am not committed to spending time on negative affirmations. It’s just crazy!
I am frustrated at a level with standard coaching that focuses on goal setting devoid of unearthing tolerations because unless distinguished, it is energy that is constantly taking you in the opposite direction of your goals!
Living a complaint-free life is priceless…. Don’t get me wrong, there are many things that I have yet to accomplish in my life, but I am vigilant about not complaining about them—I know the importance of beliefs, language, and resonance, and I take responsibility accordingly. I am the creator of my reality moment by moment and do not have time to complain PERIOD—it also stops ANY drama in your life. How refreshing is that as a reality?
Bottom line – if you are not committed to rectifying what is not working, STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT!
IMAGINE what your life would look like if you didn’t tolerate anything that was not working? That, folks, is a different way to live! Food for thought today!
