by Kayla Yoder
Over the last 30-50 years, women have been conditioned out of doing all the things men find attractive–inevitably leading to the current dating and relationship crisis we’re having as a culture.
Let’s take a walk through history. During World War II, women started filling in for men by working factory jobs and they felt this new sense of empowerment. This was modeled by the classic “Rosie the Riveter” posters and propaganda.
Up until then, women were valued based on very intangible characteristics. Once they got a taste of what it felt like to contribute to society in a more tangible and measurable way, they were hooked on that feeling of power and wanted more. This drove the feminist movement in the 1940s.
Women continued fighting for equality, but at some point, it no longer took the shape of equality. It moved into independence.
Remember all those songs that were released in the early 2000’s? Miss Independent by Neyo, Miss Independent by Destiny’s Child, I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T by Webbie… these were all an expression of what was happening in our culture at the time. Women were praised and encouraged to be independent and not need men.
Furthermore, since that time, the narrative has continued to evolve into women fully competing against men and trying to prove they are the superior gender–or, at the least, that they can do anything men can do.
While I fully believe in equal opportunity for women, I don’t believe equal outcome is what’s best for women, men, relationships or society—yet that seems to be what women continue to strive for.
In fact, this constant striving and pushing and competing—aka boss babe energy—is directly impacting your love life.
As I mentioned in the beginning, all of the ways in which women have been shifted into further independence and in competing with men have stripped away all the aspects of being a woman that men find attractive.
Not that relationships were perfect before the feminist movement or that we should mold ourselves to be what men find attractive. Instead recognizing that if you do want a healthy and fulfilling relationship with a man, you’re going to have to understand how your actions and the way you show up in the world affects that. That’s fair, right?
After all, you most likely judge men and your attraction and interest in a man based on his actions and the way he interacts with the world, do you not? So it’s fair for men to judge women the same way.
Men are attracted to feminine energy
Feminine energy is expression, being, creativity, flow, feeling, intuition, etc.
Masculine energy is action, doing, focus, structure, thinking, goals, etc.
Any easy way to differentiate between masculine and feminine is this: All expressions of masculine are tangible and all expressions of feminine are intangible.
The hustle, the grind, the pushing, the “boss babe” energy and mindset–these are all expressions of masculine energy.
As an entrepreneur myself, I have to say, the “boss babe” masculine energy feels powerful. I can totally see where Rosie the Riveter was coming from.
That being said, it requires us, as women, to shut off our more feminine side. After so much time, we stop just stepping into our masculine for work and then coming home in our natural, more feminine, state of being. We eventually close ourselves off completely from our feminine nurturing, emotional, expressive energy and live most of the time in our masculine, more hardened shells.
Not only is this a product of time, it’s also a product of societal conditioning.
In our western culture, and the US specifically, we are told that our value and self-worth is based on masculine metrics—aka productivity, achievement, success. How many times have you worn being “busy” as a badge of honor?
We’re celebrated and seen as worthy based on being busy and productive. Essentially, we’ve been conditioned into believing that being masculine and producing tangible results.
Society doesn’t recognize the value of femininity because it’s intangible and immeasurable and as a byproduct, women don’t know their own power or the value of femininity, either.
However, men do know the value of feminine energy even if they can’t articulate it. Why? Because feminine energy is like gasoline in a tank for men. It’s what they seek when they need to be refueled. It’s what they’re attracted to and a part of what makes women so valuable to them.
So what does all this mean?
In a nutshell, women have become overly masculine due to a variety of reasons and don’t realize how living in that basically makes them a walking stop sign in dating and relationships. It’s not inviting.
If this is you and you’re single, it’s probably a big reason you’re single.
If this is you and you’re in a relationship, you’re likely:
(a) with a more feminine man (because opposites attract) and/or
(b) in something that isn’t all that exciting or sexy because there’s little to no polarity and you’re not all that attracted to one-another
In addition to the energetics, it’s worth noting that men literally live to provide for women. So if you’re a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man, no man will want to be with you because they feel like they’re not needed or there’s nothing they can provide to make you happy or make your life easier. There’s no point for them.
With men, there’s always a goal or a point—that’s the reason they do anything. If you are doing everything on your own, there’s no room for them to come in and do anything. By insisting on doing it all on your own, you’re taking away the point for them.
Just to be clear, I’m not saying that men want women who are helpless. Not at all. But they do want someone who will let them provide and who can receive help and love. Absolutely.
So what can you do to shift this while being a badass career woman?
- Refer to this article for tips on stepping into your femininity.
- Once you’ve connected to your feminine nature, create a transition ritual.
- Create a ritual of some kind that helps you get into your feminine energy before coming home or before starting your evening. Some examples might be singing in the car, having a dance party in the shower, going for a walk, meditating—something that makes you feel ultra feminine. Then, commit to doing this ritual daily after work, before dates and before spending time with your family.
We’ve fought hard for equal opportunity, and now that we’ve got it, our romantic relationships with men are suffering. The good news is that with better understanding of what’s needed for a healthy and fulfilling relationship with a man, you really can have both.
Kayla Yoder
FXM Global
