by Dr. Julie Ducharme
One of the movies that has resonated deeply with me as a working mother is “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” starring Sarah Jessica Parker. Watching her character struggle to balance her career with her family responsibilities feels like looking into a mirror. Like her, I have a supportive husband who understands the demands of my growing career, and our children are at a tender age, demanding attention and care.
What Sarah experiences in the movie resonated with me when despite her best efforts, guilt often crept in. She missed important moments, like her son’s first haircut, and in her attempts at being the quintessential “Pinterest mom”, she would frequently fall short. There have been embarrassing moments, like discovering her kids have lice while in the midst of a crucial business meeting. And yes, there are times when she appeared disheveled, despite excelling at her job, and that guilt weighs heavily on her.
Any one relate to this? I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Many working mothers face similar challenges, trying to meet the demands of their careers while nurturing their families. And to the single working mothers out there, I salute you for shouldering double duty with grace and strength.
But amidst this whirlwind of expectations, I’ve had to confront a pressing question: Should I feel guilty for not embodying the image of the perfect, flawlessly put-together mother who effortlessly balances every aspect of her life? The pressure to be that mom is undeniable, but I’ve come to realize that it’s an unrealistic standard.
Will my children suffer because I can’t volunteer in their classroom every week or attend every school activity? I used to worry about that incessantly. But I’ve learned that my children’s love for me isn’t contingent on my ability to be everywhere at once. They understand that mommy has to work to provide for our family, and they appreciate the little extras that come from my efforts.
Finding balance has been key to easing my guilt. Every day, I prioritize quality time with my family. We gather around the dinner table, engaging in meaningful conversation without the distraction of technology. I help my kids with their homework, read to them before bed, and cherish those precious moments of connection.
Friday nights are sacred in our household – designated as family nights where we engage in simple yet meaningful activities like watching a movie or taking a leisurely stroll on the beach. These moments don’t require extravagant spending; it’s the togetherness that counts.
I also make a conscious effort to seek out affordable local outings, such as trips to the park, museum visits, or free concerts in the park. These experiences create lasting memories and reinforce our bond as a family.
Yes, there are occasions when I can’t be there for every school function or event. But my children know that I love them, and that’s what truly matters.
Growing up, my dad worked tirelessly to support our family, often arriving straight from work to cheer me on at my sports games. His presence meant the world to me, even if he couldn’t make it to every single event.
In the end, what our children need most is not a perfect attendance record from us, but the reassurance that they are loved unconditionally. And that, above all else, is what I strive to provide as a working mom.
